Some more rants... sorry!
I wonder why things have to be this way. Before the reader reaches a conclusion that I am not liking it here in IIMK, let me clarify - I am. But still, I have a major issue with the way things are. For starters I detest the idea that running of each and every club/committee/SIG is decided, not (just) according to the volunteer's talent, but by a vote. This wouldnt have been a problem but for one thing - a month into the insti how much would anyone know about all? Would a vote for or against a person be correct in such a case? Besides all this is the strong undercurrent of politiking... it doesnt help!
Talking about politics, the conception of friendship here is strange. Most guys (and gurlz for that matter!) are here to build a 'network'. While this may not be a problem at first look, it is. People are constantly making judgements about you - how gr8 a manager you would be, would you become a 'big man', what use you could be of. An oaf like me, with no great skills or talents, usually ends up being a useless 'contact'. With this belief goes any chance that anyone is gonna take you seriously. There are a few expections (they are the ones who keep me here!), but would it be better if they were the rules?
I have many more things to say... someother time, I gotta complete a worthless assingment...

Mono-dialogue II:
"You just need to realize that people care that you exist."
"But they don't," I said pointedly. My voice was firm, no such thing as trembling.
"Fascinating," he drawled.
“I keep having this recurring dream," I began. "Incessant knocking on my door, the barking of a dog, sometimes a child screams, but there is always a noise loud enough to get me out of bed. In the dream, you see, not in reality. And when I get up, I am face to face with a burglar, all in black. But it’s her; nothing has changed. And I spin her around as though we were waltzing, and I can feel her. Like a goddamn earthquake, I can feel her. And I want nothing more. This is funny because I’ve never had sex, and to tell you the truth, I find the woman downright repulsive. I don’t want her in my home, but some how I want her.”
"And you know why that is, don't you?"
"No," I replied, firm again.
"Because you have a repressed desire for anyone to enter your life - as long as that person is alive."
"Oh, good one!" I said. That was a new low!

I draw inspiration for this post from a similar one from our good friend, the irrepressible Vamsi (http://tweakyscorner.blogspot.com/2006/04/some-things-i-find-really-irritating.html). The people mentioned below are for real, and all this happened during this time's short but eventful summer vacation...

One day I was walking down the road with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Another looked up at the sky and said, "Where???"
…
While looking at a house (yup, Mr Mohanlal Bohra - our till recently 'gracious' landlord - has asked us to find a new house), my father asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. He asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my father explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, he shook his head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
…
This friend of mine works in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day he got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. He told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, he said, "Uh, Pacific".
…
My uncle has a lifesaving tool in his car: it's designed to cut through a seat belt if he gets trapped. He keeps it in the trunk...
…
Upon reaching Indira Gandhi International Airport (the hows and whys of that is a long story in itself) I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the airlines office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?”
…
While at a pizza parlor (on Cunningham Road in B'lore) I observed a man ordering a small pizza. He appeared to be alone and the waiter asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.”

Like my zodiac lord Gemini (or is it more like Janus?!?!) I often have two faces of my self (what a nice way to say I am two-faced!). Often we both (we me?) engage in 'deliberations' which usually need to nowhere. Why blog all this you may wonder? Ah, because I have decided that the readers of my blog need to be subjected to my eccentricities every now and then (the definition of which I decide!).

So here goes Mono-dialogue I:
"Is there a cure for humanity?"
"I don't think so. I don't really even think there's a cure for depression," came the reply. "Oh," I said, sniffing viciously as my fingers brushed my nose as a makeshift Kleenex. "That sucks."My voice squeaked.
God, I hated that. You can only wear sunglasses for so long before your tears slip past your cheeks and reveal your secrets."Because I don't really know how much longer I can deal with this," I blurted out. He hadn't asked me for any explanation. "This whole 'sadness' thing. I don't like getting angry, I don't like thinking about it. I want to push it out of my mind. And I was so good at it for so long. You could have put me in Cambodia and I would have smiled at Pol Pot. It was that easy. But it won't go away, damnit."
"You're just human," he said, plain and uncomforting.
"That's exactly the goddamn problem!"

My first post (dated 11/03/2005) is so valid even today. Its very unfortunate...

The last two weeks have been the shortest two weeks of my life. It began on Sunday, 18th June with my Kingfisher flight to Delhi. Bang in the middle of the night I was in MDI Gurgaon, looking forward to a new life as a ManDevIan. I started attending the pre-induction classes (and the horrible open houses of seniors - equivalent to SVNITian calls). Things were settling down soon, although in hindsight I must admit I wasnt too happy about being there (always felt I deserved more than MDI PGP-HR). Out of no where I get a message from Sahu on Wednesday - "Flash News: Hitesh Sharma crack IIMK!". That message redefined the meaning of shock-of-my-life! You probably think that I must have been very happy that day. Well not really. So as to join MDI, I had convinced myself that MDI is better than IIMK, I, L (although deep within my heart I always knew that an IIM is after all an IIM). Setting all that self-convincing aside wasnt so easy. It was only on thursday night that I finally decided that IIMK is the place to be. On Saturday, 24th June I was back to Bangalore (by an Air Sahara flight). By Sunday morning I had arrived in Kozhikode. Once there I knew, Sharmaji aapne must decision liya. From that day on I have never once regretted leaving MDI. Beautiful campus, scenic backdrop, great profs, excellent seniors - IIMK is truly God's Own IIM!
(Top left: MDI Gurgaon. Top Right: IIM Kozhikode)

I saw him then, sitting as still as stone before me, his small, concise features usually so impassive, contorted now into an expression of mocking disdain. He's laughing at me, I know it. He loves nothing more than to mock those he flees. Always one step ahead. So motionless, yet still so far out of reach. But he cannot be caught. After all, the entire world is searching for him fervently without success. Why should I and how could I be the one to claim him? Bu I did have him once. I am not quite sure how I let him escape. For certain I had not the faintest idea of his value. Not that it matters now.
I make a grab for him, his unbridled arrogance in the face of my distress becoming too much to withstand. But he is too quick, he is always too quick. My frustration only seems to fuel his evasions. Heinous, flighty creature! He cares not who he blesses with his presence, from the purest saint to the vilest wretch he will grace them for a time until the fickleness of his spirit bids him leave. He will obey it every time, no matter how you think he loves you, no matter how you believe that he will never desert you. He will obey it every time and he will take from you more than he ever gives. Will leave you desolate and wanting. Such a small, simple thing he seems, yet so huge, so complex.
So cherish him while he lingers, he may not favour you much longer. Be sure to tell those that tempt him to rest with you a little longer just how much they mean to you. I was foolish. I pushed them aside in a selfish attempt to be closer to him. Now he loves me no more. He only laughs. I hate the damnable creature for leaving me with no explanation, yet I adore him as I look upon him. Scornful as it is, his countenance glows with a bliss that I long to know again. But he is uncatchable and I have nothing to lure him back with. I have shunned the very ones that would help me reclaim him in my own desperate hunt. He will revel in the irony, I know.
I make another grab for him. He dodges again.
Its funny how far people will go to attempt to catch the uncatchable. Silly really. Futile certainly. He cannot be bribed, nor blackmailed. He will ignore pleas and your threats will fall upon deaf ears. His one secret weakness, I have belatedly discovered, lies not in the foolhardy chase, but in method and patience. His fondness is not for gold or silver, nor for fear or power but for his bosom companion, selfless Love. If first you find Love, he will come to you of his own accord and bless you many times over, bringing your World to light and your dreams to life. Its as ridiculously simple as it is tragically difficult.

P.S.: Lest you think this is Hitesh 'uncloseting' himself, the 'he' here is Happiness!!! No guy would mind being 'gay' and happy, would he ;)